doesnt it scare you that you’ve wasted more than half of your life hating yourself?
I looked in the mirror
and I did not see myself.
I saw a body
and all of the things
that I did not like
I saw skin
I saw a picture
with no touch-ups.
I saw a figure.
When did I begin
of picking myself
When did I begin
to see an image
instead of a
When did I become
When did I lose
When did I reduce myself
to something as small,
as a simple
Sick is shelter.
You’re sick, they say. You don’t have to do this,
you don’t have to cope.
Sick is stepping silently out of the circle of trying to the point of exhaustion
Sick is cutting it all off through fear: grades and careers and even dreams you once grasped tightly
Because you’re scared you won’t reach them
And the only way that can be done without guilt
Is to escape into ‘sick’ and be physically unable,
But it all comes at a price:
and the worst thing is,
It is one people time and time again are willing to pay.
Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror.
Just keep going. No feeling is final.
Last night for the first time ever I had a shit load of NORMAL cocktails (instead of vodka and diet coke) with my friends. I got ridiculously hammered and had a great night :)
I really hate being an introvert because I sometimes think “oh hey, I can totally hang out with a bunch of people right now! I can handle it! I hate being alone!!” and then three hours into hanging out I realize how draining of energy it is for me to be around other people and I just want to curl up into a ball and isolate myself for the rest of my life.
For me the pain of my eating disorder never goes away. Its like a scar etched on my skin but Ive learnt to carry on regardless.